Hi Maddie,
Thanks for your email and all your news. We also moved into our new house last month and, like you, I’ve been having lots of fun with a paint brush. Anyway, I thought I’d give you an update on how things have been going since I told you a few months back that things have been a bit tricky with Tom since we got married. Despite my best efforts, he’s still so clingy! He wants to sleep in the same bed as me and protests so vocally when I ask him to sleep in the spare room. And he’s so emotionally needy – for example, he came home from work the other day really upset about something. When I told him to buck up and be a man about it, he burst into tears! I’m at my wits end, I mean, will he ever learn to self soothe do you think?
Anyway, do you remember Karen? Well, I bumped into her at yoga and she told me she had the same problem with her wife and told me about this marriage consultant called Fina Gord. She’s expensive, but her methods are said to be really effective. Apparently, I just need to leave him to cry. That way he’ll learn to regulate his own emotions and not depend on me to comfort him.
I had an hour’s online consultation with her for £750 and she explained what I had to do: lock my bedroom door so he can’t try to get in bed with me in the night and ignore his protests and pleas. If he cries I am supposed to walk away, or, if that feels too hard, just stand and look at him until the crying stops. It all sounded pretty simple and easy so I have been implementing the regime for a week now and goodness me, it’s magic!
Tom is now sleeping in his own bed and sleeping through the night and not disturbing me. He’s stopped whinging and bringing his problems home from work to dump on me – it’s bliss! Of course he’s in a bit of a sulk about it – yesterday when we went over to the neighbours’ barbecue and I tried to hold his hand he snatched it away – but I’m sure he’ll get over it!
Anyway, I do remember you suggesting something called marriage counselling that you said involved learning to respond to each other’s emotions and give each other space to share and listen, but this was so much simpler and quicker, so I thought you’d like to know.
All my love and see you soon,
Janet x
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