This post was most recently updated on May 4th, 2022
Let’s face it, there are a lot of birth plans changing right now and a lot of anxiety and trauma as a result. I can’t emphasis enough that building your team is more important than ever. Emotional support is always worth it’s weight in gold but at the moment, it’s essential. Support from someone who also knows a few bits and bobs that might be useful to you is going to be even more vital at the moment.
You see, mothers and birthing people are going to be left to it, pretty much. At least you may well feel pretty alone and lonely. You’re going to have to depend on your own resources a lot more than usual. So if you’re reading this before you have your baby, I suggest gathering a virtual team. Your team might include a doula – for emotional support, local information, suggestions for making plans for birth and tips for riding the waves of labour and the covid-crisis.
You might also want a breastfeeding counsellor or lactation consultant in your team – someone to debunk some myths with you and tool you up with some facts about breastfeeding. Because you see, breastfeeding is even more important in times of emergency. Not only does it provide antibody-armour to your baby, it provides a freely-flowing, never-ending source of food for at least one family member at a time when some supply chains might be impacted. And in a time that will inevitably be tough on our mental health, the happy-hormones of lactation are going to be even more useful than usual!
But what if you’ve already had your baby and your birth was tough, even traumatic? It can feel overwhelming trying to get breastfeeding started when both you and baby are feeling like you’ve been hit by a bus. It might be that you are exhausted, hurting in various places and emotionally overwrought. If your baby was born with the help of instruments or by cesarean, they might have a bit of a headache too.
Sometimes in these circumstances babies can be extra sleepy or very upset when we try to put them to the breast. New mums can feel like the baby is rejecting them and it can cause feelings of hurt, worry and even panic – after all, babies need to eat! During this time of crisis, this situation can be compounded because the midwives on the ward may have less time than usual to sit with you for a long time to help get the baby latched on. Or you may be at home, having few or no visits from community midwives and health visitors.
I’m going to say the thing now that I seem to have been saying a lot recently:
Breathe. You’ve got this
Your birth might have gone tits up, but breastfeeding doesn’t have to. If you want to breastfeed, there is still a lot of help and support available to you. It might feel like it’s spinning out of control right now, but just because it might be getting off to a slow or tricky start, doesn’t mean we can’t turn this ship around.
Have faith. You baby was born to breastfeed and your breasts are primed and ready to make milk. We just need to get your factories connected to their customer. Take heart, breastfeeding counsellors and lactation consultants have a wealth of strategies at our disposal, most of which can be delivered to you by the wonders of modern technology. If you didn’t gather your team before the birth, do it now. You can learn about who’s who in the breastfeeding support world here.
In the meantime there are three simple rules that can help keep the wheels on til you get help:
- Keep your baby fed. A baby that isn’t losing too much weight has calories for energy and who is well hydrated will have the strength to carry on learning to breastfeed. The laxative effect of colostrum makes sure the baby poos out all that nasty meconium. Lots of feeding also reduces the chance of jaundice setting in, which can make the baby sleepy and reluctant to feed.
- Keep your milk flowing. If you can’t do this with the baby, now is the time to start expressing. By hand, if you still have colostrum, or with a double electric pump if your milk volume is building now. Taking milk out of your breasts will ensure your factories get the message that your customer’s needs are increasing. And taking milk out will ensure you can follow rule number one.
- Keep your baby close. Close cuddles on your chest and skin to skin contact is magical. It will ensure that your milk making hormones are high and help you feel calm and connected to your newborn. It will also help you recognise the signs that your baby is ready to eat and act on those signals promptly. Allowing your baby to crawl and bob around on your chest – to launch themselves over and latch on by themselves can also ensure they get a lovely big mouthful of breast. To achieve this, just lean back and relax. See here for more info. Skin to skin cuddles also help regulate your baby’s temperature, breathing and heart rate. Crucially, we also know that babies in skin to skin contact make the most use of their calories to grow. That famous love hormone oxytocin not only helps your milk flow, but aids weight gain and healing. When you cuddle your baby, you are both bathed in oxytocin, helping you both recover from the birth.
While you wait for your virtual cavalry to arrive, sometimes it helps to ‘reset the programme’. You know when your computer or phone is playing silly-buggers and it helps to switch it off and on again? There are some things you can do to ‘re-boot’ after a difficult birth. You might like to:
- Have a deep warm bath together. If you planned to birth in water but that didn’t end up happening, why not make this bath something special – a memory to cherish? Have some candles and maybe some rose petals in the water. Have your lover with you, if appropriate. Dim the lights. Feel your baby against your chest as you sink into the deep relaxation. Take photos. Celebrate this new life that you created! Sometimes making new, good memories can help override the bad ones and sometimes, when you and baby are beautifully relaxed, the baby magically latches on! If you have a birthpool that you didn’t end up using, perhaps you could use it like this now?
- Gather your birth trauma support. Some people will need to talk about their birth and others will find different kinds of support helpful. Whatever is right for you, know that your story is uniquely yours and deserves honouring and processing. Many people find that a technique called 3 Step Rewind is extremely effective at turning down the dial on their distress when they remember their birth. You can read about birth trauma here
I am noticing some negative and some positive impacts of this crisis. The horrid things are the lack of face to face support – both emotional and practical – that parents are having to deal with. The isolation from skilled specialists can mean that the void can sometimes be filled by well meaning family and friends who may have negative or ignorant views on breastfeeding. The positives are that your babymoon (the first month to six weeks of your baby’s life) is going to be uninterrupted by troops of visitors who outstay their welcome. You are free to stay in your cocoon, getting to know your new arrival, growing your motherhood wings unimpeded.
Remember, your body didn’t let you down, circumstances did. Birth takes courage, calm, connection and a whole heap of love at the best of times; and this is far from the best of times. But a difficult birth doesn’t have to mean you can’t feel healed and whole again through a fulfilling breastfeeding relationship. Find your clan of other breastfeeding families and gather your team of specialist supporters. Your baby will thank you for the breastmilk – whether that is a few drops or a year or more of boob, your efforts should be applauded and we celebrate you!
Resources for the early days:
National Breastfeeding Helpline:
0300 100 0212
Other Helplines
NCT Breastfeeding Helpline: 0300 330 0771
La Leche League GB Helpline: 0345 120 2918
Association of Breastfeeding Mothers: 0300 330 5453
Breastfeeding Support organisations
Association of Breastfeeding Mothers
Lactation Consultants of Great Britain
Getting off to a good start
“Is this normal?” – The first week with a breastfeeding newborn
https://www.laleche.org.uk/beginning-breastfeeding/
www.breastfeeding.support/breastfeeding-tips-newborns/
https://www.laleche.org.uk/is-my-baby-getting-enough-milk/
www.kellymom.com/hot-topics/newborn-nursing/
I had a crash c section in Dec 2018 and wish I’d read this article earlier. My son is nearly 18 months and we’re still breastfeeding with no obvious end in sight. For other ladies out there who have had traumatic births, I would say, “you’ve got the grit, things will get so much easier and you will never regret raising your child this way.”