Today’s post is an anonymous contribution from a midwife working in the NHS. I publish this to help her find an outlet for her feelings and to draw attention to the looming crisis that maternity services face as more midwives are leaving the profession than joining, funding is being cut and morale is at an all time low. Mothers and midwives must stand together to protest this state of affairs before the service breaks down all together. #enough
Dear new mother or mother-to-be,
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that my clinic was running over because we don’t have enough staff, and that you had to wait in a hot, stuffy room with a rumbling stomach or worry about how you were going to get to nursery pick-up on time.
I’m sorry that you have never met me before, and that you have seen a different midwife at each appointment. I would love to offer continuity to you but that is not how the system is set up. I don’t like it either.
I’m sorry that when you came for your induction, you hadn’t been properly informed about the myriad procedures and protocols it involves and how long it can take, or how much of a toll it can take on your energy levels, your mental well-being and your patience.
I’m sorry that my job sometimes requires me to hook you up to machines, strap monitors around your belly, put needles in your arms, and fingers into your most intimate places. Birth shouldn’t be like this.
I’m sorry that I see so many women on each shift, I sometimes forget your name and end up referring to your bed number. I swore I would never reduce women to numbers when I was a student.
I’m sorry that I rarely have enough time to sit with you and help you learn how to breastfeed. Instead, I offer advice and support in 2-minute snippets, or send in a maternity assistant.
I’m sorry that you are always kept waiting….waiting for the midwife or doctor to see you, for the baby to be born, for the pool to fill, for the anaesthetist to come, for the bed to be cleaned, for your discharge paperwork…for some sense of individuality and control in this whole process.
I’m sorry that I sometimes forget the little things that you ask me for — an extra pillow, a cup of tea, some warm water to change your baby’s nappy — because I have 1,001 things that I need to do and sometimes those things slide down to the ‘if I get time’ pile.
I’m sorry that I wasn’t my usual patient, smiling self when you were needing lots of help, or wanted to ask lots of questions… sometimes I am so exhausted that I am unable to mask my tiredness, so hungry that I can no longer concentrate, or so sad because I’m missing my own children.
I’m sorry that the failings of the government to adequately fund and support the NHS means I’m often too stretched and stressed to give you my absolute best.
I’m sorry that sometimes I think of giving up, because this job is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I’m sorry that you don’t have better, that I can’t do any better, because believe me, YOU DESERVE BETTER.
But please know this…
I care.
I care that you want to know your midwife. I want to know you too.
I care about your choices, your wishes and your consent. I want you to be autonomous.
I care about your birth experience. I want it to be positive and empowering.
I care about your baby. I want to help you bond.
I care about helping you breastfeed. I want you to succeed.
I care about you, even when I’m not able to adequately show it.
We should not be at odds with each other. We want the same things. But ‘the system’ has created a wall between us, preventing us from truly knowing one another’s lives and joy and struggles.
Midwife means ‘with woman’ and unless we do something to get back to the core of that, to the sense of rapport, familiarity and respect that is the very foundation of our millennia-old partnership, I fear our historical bonds will be forever broken.
We must demand change. We must demand our rights. We must demand better.
I will not stop talking about it, I will not stop fighting for it, and I will not let this system break me, no matter how close to the edge it pushes me.
Awesome so raw and so true. Bless you marvellous midwife. xxx
❤️
So so true.
Utterly heart breaking. Sending you oodles of love and kisses. Please be assured that you are making a difference. Midwives like you with pure hearts and good intentions are a major part of why I believe we will see change in the birth world for the better. And those of us whose birth experiences were less than perfect – we know it wasn’t you, we know you tried your best and having you with us as much as you could still made it that little bit better. Take care of you xxx
I’m sorry you feel this way and you have to work under terrible pressure, but sadly the same applies to the assistants on the ward staffing is terrible and we seem to always get the blunt of it, staff being reduced to two on a busy ward that has a continuous flow of cleaning trips to theatre sometimes being in there all day / night leaving just one to sort things out take women to a ward clean and fill rooms doing what the midwife asked going in a delivery, and many many more other jobs, that sometimes is impossible to fulfill what they are asking . My heart goes out to the midwife and there work load,I truly understand , but please give us a thought at times we are not robots but seem to get forgotten about how would the ward run without us ?
It’s tough for everyone, isn’t it? The system is chewing people up and spitting them out in a way that defies all logic and humanity. One thing that I feel I need to say in response to your comment: when a person expresses their pain, when we say “but, what about me”, it can really only result in that person feeling erased or that their feelings aren’t important. I know you don’t mean it that way. But perhaps you could consider using “and”, instead of “but”. How different your comment would read if you’d said, “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way…and the ward assistants are suffering in a similar way”. The “and” makes you sisters and allies, the “but” sets you in competition as to who is suffering most. All my love and gratitude for all your hard work, Maddie x
The way I bring my comment over is the way I am ! Saying how things are in the way I do ,not to be judged , Sorry it’s not the. Way you would bring it across , but it’s my way
Really feeling for you
I am in tears and this has bought back many emotions about how I was feeling when working in the NHS. I took early retirement due to ending up burnt out, angry and frustrated at the way things were and continuing to go. Thank you for your insight; only a NHS midwife can articulate so well how it feels and the frustration.
The ‘system’ is so disempowering for women and families using maternity services and most certainly the midwives. With changes in law that have recently occurred the role of the midwife and their scope of practice are continually being eroded. The fight must continue to save midwifery as well as improving maternity services and the buck stops completely with the government for the lack of funding of all services and setting the NHS for failure.
I am happily still passionate about pregnancy and birth and continue to work with ladies and their birth partners in the baby business, I know I can show them a better way.
I wish you well in your career ❤️❤️
A very emotive piece of writing. As a Doula, I send my support & love to all midwives. You all do a fantastic job xx
Also as a Doula i have nothing but massive respect for midwives and the marvelous job they do. x
I am crying reading this. You are amazing xxx
Beautiful, heartfelt post. Thanks for sharing how it is for so many midwives who choose a vocation, and aren’t supported by the ‘system’ to work as they should be able to.
Thank you for sharing this with us, I hope this makes it out to as many Midwives who like you are truly trying to be the best. My respect for Midwives has never wavered, unfortunately I cannot say the same for the system that fails each and every one of you. My hope is that the system stops failing you and you can find peace with yourself as a professional and support the women you care for so deeply the way that sits right for you with your heart.
Love and respect always,
Mel x
I’m sorry that I rarely have enough time to sit with you and help you learn how to breastfeed. Instead, I offer advice and support in 2-minute snippets, or send in a maternity assistant.
As a Maternity Support Worker I found this comment derogatory. We are NOT a second best! We are equal to if not better than midwives when it comes to feeding support!
Hi Karen, I can’t speak for the midwife who wrote this but I know she wouldn’t have meant to be disparaging in any way. MCAs do a brilliant job and have become a valued part of maternity care. Breastfeeding support always had been a core part of the midwife role and when they have no time to sit with a woman through a whole feed, no time to practice and deepen their skills and knowledge in this area and no time to show a woman that they care she can nurse hey baby with ease, it must hurt.
I am a doula and breastfeeding counsellor – in my view MCAs should be a skilled complement to the midwife, not a replacement. Just as a doula or breastfeeding peer supporter should be part of the team but never provide clinical care. We all have our parts to play.
I too am a MCA have been for over 20 years and give the best quality care possible…I agree Karen Bale…often have more experience during the shift re breastfeeding..post operative care etc…not always down to the midwife..no offense meant to anyone x
I am a midwife and feel like this too every day. The MSW comments are not helpful. To state you are better than midwives is very inflammatory. MSW are not accountable to any professional body. Might I suggest you study a degree for 3 or 4 years. Then try and be the best breastfeeding buddy whilst managing the realities we face. Go sign up and see for yourself my dear
As a midwife, now a health visitor, I have always felt that MCA’s, infant feeding specialists, suitably trained breastfeeding peer supporters have sometimes made the difference between women continuing to breastfeed and feeling unable to continue. Yes, supporting a mum to feed her child is a fundamental part of being ‘with woman’ – there are many ways this can be achieved. Have we forgotten how to value each other?
Yes great point well made! We OFTEN make the difference! But that’s no criticism of midwives. Even in a perfect system mws couldn’t provide ALL the psychosocial support families need. We are a team, all bringing something to the table: midwives, health visitors, MCAs, peer supporters and doulas.
I did not intend to come across as inflammatory, I have the highest respect for midwives, I see on a daily basis the pressures under which they have to work. I merely wanted to point out that as a support worker we are sometimes better placed when it comes to feeding support as we have less work load which equates to more time to spend with women and looking after their baby’s.
Wow. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for the hours you have spent putting women first. Thank you for not giving up. Know that you are valued. We care about you. We care about birth. You are not alone.
Please take time to refil your cup so you are able to continue caring for women in such a wonderful way. We support you.
This brought tears to my eyes as I read and hear your frustration with the whole system. But I am sure through all of this you are an amazing support to women. It may not always be the way you want it to be but so important to hear how you feel. Just like women becoming numbers in a this crazy system, sometimes people bunch all midwives together and often see them as “the system”… but important for us to remember you are not. Like the labouring women, you are all individual women. You study and train hard for years to be “with woman” which becomes your biggest challenge with everything in the way and against you at times. It can’t be an easy job and a a doula I am often in total awe of the midwives. Their patience, gentle manner, sensitivity and absolute skills are just incredible. I remember after one birth I said to a midwife absolutely astounded, “How did you do that, you are amazing!”… So calm as she supported a stressful situation. Your skills are priceless and please don’t think we are missing that and we are sorry too for not always understanding the pressures and stress you are under and that you are after all another woman like us but who has chosen to be there and support women x
There is so much love and respect amongst doulas for Midwifes; I wish we could find a way to demonstrate this and the striggle & strife maternity services are facing nationally to get the system changed for the better.
#VoteLabour
This is brilliant and embodies everything about Midwifery currently. I think I spend most of my shifts saying Sorry! We all deserve better x
Thank you for sharing, I would like to share this please? I’m so sorry to you, for it being this way, thank you for your honesty and love, sending lots of doula love your way xxx
Thank you for your message. I know that some people do not realise what you are doing and how important it is. I for one, am really thankful for the midwives that have accompanied me during the birthes of my two sons. Thank you for your engagement, your compassion and your presence.
Covered in goosebumps as I read this – such a gorgeous piece spoken from the heart. Thank you to you and all the midwives who support women so tirelessly, yet can’t give the time and love you so yearn to. Sending you love & strength x
Heartbreaking but so important to read this in order for us doulas to remember also what midwives are going through trying to support women! How can we change the system?
Thank you. I know that there are so many midwives who share your frustrations and concerns. We love you and the women that you work with will see your heart and passion.
Sad you are not being supported by the system you work for. It is so unfair and you have my undivided support as I have people dealing with the same problems on a day to day basis. You are doing a wonderful job. Stay strong.
Thank you. Thank you for continuing to care and for speaking up. Thank you for your compassion and for not being broken. I love you and the many, many midwives alongside you who I see with women. Be gentle on yourself and know that you are making a difference and that women will know, they will hear your words and they will know your heart.
Thank you for sharing, stay strong and I’m sorry I can’t hug you and hold your hand.
This is why I left the NHS!
It makes me angry to still read about women being treated like second class after the most wonderful miracle has happened(and pollies had mothers) in birthing a beautiful being. The most important person at the birth is the midwife and weeks???? And they get treated like shit? Birth and Beyond in Nimbin NSW is a success story where family and friends support the mum with massages, cups of herbal tea and so on. I went to one and I was overwhelmed by the love and support we gave to our dear friend???
Tragic reflects how I felt when I choose to leave the profession I truly loved. I did stand up and win a lengthy court case with regards to changes that forced me to leave – A small victory but I lost the job I was truly passionate about
Heavy-hearted with such a weighty matter. I am a mature-aged midwifery student in Australia. I struggle every day with that same issues, and also with the interventions and management of pregnancy and birth. After years of wanting to be a midwife, I’m at a crossroads because of all of those issues. My education is far from what I excepted – most of it occurs in my own time as I pursue questions I have in my own mind, and yet that is not enough. My belief in women’s abilities is greatly challenged, as woman after woman is subjected to ‘the cascade’ and then bundled out of hospital 24 hours later with her sore nipples, peri, abdomen, and a head swimming with conflicting advice and rules thrust upon her in that first day of motherhood haze. I’m incredibly sad for them and angry that the system fails them. We could do so much better.
Sorry a good midwife should feel so frustrated. I remember the special bond I felt with each of the midwives who helped me bring my five children into the world. I wish everyone was so lucky.
A compelling read by a truly devoted Midwife. This Lady types without malice in her fingers, as she speaks up against the system and not for personal gain. I wish all you hard working and dedicated Midwives out there the utmost respect and sincerely hope the changes will come. Bless you all.
Sadly, this midwife’s sentiments are the norm. Midwifery was my life. I know that was an excellent, woman-centred advocate for, and with women. I was forced to leave midwifery due to a medical condition which could easily have been managed by a change in my shift pattern, but there is absolutely no flexibility either for midwives or women. After fighting for my health, my family and the women and families in my care, I was forced to walk away and retrain. My resignation letter was very similar to this post; making no bones about how, and why the system is failing women and midwives. I did not receive a reply. My heart and soul did, and always will belong to midwifery and the women I cared for. I know I made a difference to women’s experiences of pregnancy and birth. I feel very sad that I am unable to continue to do so.
Thank you for sharing this powerful and honest letter with the world. I am reading this from my home in Australia and sending you love, support and strength – hoping that you continue to care for women with your big heart! And hoping that you care for yourself with as much generosity, if not more <3 its a huge job (maybe its a calling..) to carry a flame that a whole system is trying to diminish or even extinguish! Huge honouring to you and the work you do <3
I fully feel your words and I stand by you in the fight. Women deserve better and as midwives we deserve to have the chance to give that.