Derisa pulls her scarf up over her head as she hurries down her garden path and out onto the quiet, dark street. It is frosty; in the gardens icy fronds flash white in the light of a full moon, which is partly obscured by clouds pregnant with the possibility of snow. Once again Derisa reflects on Continue Reading
Mindful Walking
What do I take from this place, this time? A pebble, a snail shell, a flower, a fern. A catharsis, an unravelling, A peeling, an untying of knots. I leave my mark: a footstep on the hill, On the path to the lake, All fear floating, trembling and tumbling Over the watery rocks. Each step Continue Reading
The eye is the lamp of your body
What did I not want to see, inside of me? What weeds grew, unnoticed, in fallow ground? What was pressed down into the soil of my soul? What seeds took root in the darkest crevises? What shoots twisted up towards the light? What spores grew in my muddy insides? Was it anger, self loathing? Continue Reading
Dear Doctor, Meet My Inner Child
How did you feel as a child? I mean, when you think back to being tiny, what is the emotion that comes up most readily for you? When I travel back to those days, I meet myself feeling lonely, craving, but not getting, the attention and emotional availability of my mother. I see myself Continue Reading
All is Love Unembellished
At the end of another "unprecedented year", I am reflecting on all the chaos and fear. The end is nigh, they say - earth's gonna burn If humanity can't see this lesson to learn. And yet we continue: daily rhythms and routines Love and laughter, joy and grief - all that life means. My year Continue Reading
In the Eye of The Storm: Ocular Melanoma, Maternity Care and Me
In May this year I was diagnosed with a very rare cancer called ocular melanoma. This means I have a tumour in my eye, behind my retina. This kind of cancer can spread to the liver, so as well as radiotherapy treatment for the tumour, which involves a hospital stay to have a radioactive plaque Continue Reading
Looking Back
Sit by the birthing pool: damp sleeves, time stands still, Dozy from heat and lack of sleep. The offering of small bites and little sips. Hand on shoulder, soft words spoken slow, Warm water welcomes babies, washes women, makes tea and milk and tears flow. Each birth Continue Reading
Sweet Sixteen Doula: My 2019
This year I've officially been doulaing for 16 years. And just like my real 16th year, it was full of love, adventure, awkwardness and a looking forward with excitement to what the future brings. There has been joy and heartbreak, beginnings and endings, and most importantly, this year has been Continue Reading
Parents or Judges, Juries and Jailers?
Would you order your life partner to stop swearing? Or manhandle them onto the naughty step? How about sending your girlfriend to her bedroom? Would you consider it appropriate if your husband sent you to bed or dictated what you wore? The chances are, if one adult acted towards another Continue Reading
My Doula Year 2018
I started the year with twins. Sitting in the quiet, dark hours with a mother as she feeds one, and then the other. I hold a baby, pat and settle them both. Whisper reassurance into the gloaming. Christmas lights still twinkle outside the window. I doze on the sofa til daybreak. Next Continue Reading