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Emma’s positive birth story: Hands off my baby!

10th March 2015 By doulamaddie 9 Comments

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This is a guest post, kindly donated by Emma, who decided to decline the kind offer of induction and await spontaneous labour. She does not offer this story to persuade you to do the same, should your pregnancy proceed past your ‘due date’, but to counter-balance some of the pressure society can put on ‘over-due’ mothers. She reminds us that we almost always have choices and encourages us to exercise our rights to those choices. Thank you for honouring us with your story, Emma!

Avoiding induction and my 10-month pregnancy…

 

Emma and her daughter

Emma and her daughter

If you’re pregnant, ‘overdue’ and facing the prospect of induction, this is for you. A few months ago I was in the same situation and it helped so much to know that I wasn’t alone and that I didn’t have to meekly submit to the NHS. I carried my daughter to almost 43 weeks and she was born perfect, healthy and not a moment too late.

Throughout my pregnancy I was so careful. I ate well. I didn’t take a single painkiller. I carried on running until 7 ½ months, and went for long walks right up until the day before the birth. I was so determined that my body should be in tip-top shape to bring my little girl into the world. We had planned a natural home birth and nothing was going to stop me…try as it might!
When my ‘due date’ came and went, I wasn’t surprised. I was born 2 weeks late so I was expecting a longer-than-usual pregnancy, yet those last few weeks dragged on. I honestly believed I’d be pregnant forever. But the fatigue and the nervous waiting were nothing compared to the pressure to be induced. My goodness, you’d think that babies were never born before the invention of Syntocinon. Or that tragedy was certain to befall every baby who took a few more days to mature in utero. And yet every birth horror story I’d heard had begun with induction or a membrane sweep – benign terms for messing with a very delicate hormone system and ruining a perfectly healthy pregnancy. Didn’t anyone notice the correlation, I wondered? Nobody was going to evict my little girl from the loving home I’d made her. I told her repeatedly that she was safe and welcome to stay as long as she needed.

As soon as the ‘due date’ hit, I was ‘offered’ induction by my midwife, which I declined and made clear this was not something I wanted. But every time I interacted with the NHS, the pressure became stronger. They scheduled daily calls asking me to go into hospital. Daily calls! They wanted to talk incessantly about the risk of stillbirth as time went on (which is still infinitesimal, if you do your own research). They were scared about me carrying my baby past their schedule; I wasn’t. I could just feel that everything was OK. But it was incredibly stressful to fend off constant negative suggestions, and I’ll always be angry about how the last few days of my pregnancy were made so unnecessarily difficult when they should have been so peaceful. I was told that to encourage labour to start I should avoid stress (adrenaline) and stay happy (oxytocin). That was difficult while I imagined my midwives tapping their feet and checking their watches.

At 42w 4d I went into hospital for ‘monitoring’ and being strapped to a monitor for 45 minutes showed that, as I knew, everything was perfectly fine with the baby. The only thing wrong was that she had confused the midwives by not appearing when they expected her to. People in my local coffee shop and neighbours passing my house commented that ‘baby will come when ready’. They seemed wiser than the people with years of training and experience. Stories about ‘late’ babies by perfect strangers on the internet were a strange source of comfort. I felt like a medical freak. I was told that nobody goes past 42 weeks because by that point, they’ve been pressured into induction…so no wonder the midwives were nervous. They had no precedent to follow, no procedure with tick boxes laid out in my maternity notes folder.

Labour finally started all by itself at 42w 5d and I proceeded with a totally natural birth at home. There was no pain relief apart from a pool of hot water, just the power of sheer determination. I used just two of the many, many visualisation techniques I’d practised, and leaned heavily on my husband and my wonderful doula for TLC and encouragement. After five hours of active labour my daughter was born weighing 6lbs 5oz, with an Apgar score of 9 and showing no sign whatsoever of post-maturity; a vigorous pink knot of lustful yelling. (In fact, I learned that there was a true knot in my daughter’s umbilical cord – most likely the result of her turning breech at 37 weeks and then back again at 39 weeks in two huge movements. So turning head down very, very late is also possible without intervention…but a very scary thing to wait for!)

She headed straight for the breast and nursed happily for 45 minutes. The midwives commented on how healthy she looked. I should probably mention that the NHS midwives who attended the birth were just awesome. My experience of the NHS as a cold processing plant was totally at odds with the dedication and care those two women showed me.

If I had given in to other people’s fear and agreed to induce, my daughter could have been almost three weeks premature by her own terms, and would probably have endured birth trauma as a result of being forced out. To me, that was FAR more dangerous than waiting for nature to get things started.

The most important lesson I learned was: trust yourself. Others are scared because they can’t feel what you can feel. I knew my body was designed to carry this baby. I’d got through nine months (OK, ten months…) perfectly safely and didn’t believe my body would just ‘give up’ at the end. That kind of faith is frowned upon in conventional medicine because it can’t be controlled or rationalised. I chose to listen to people who respected my judgement and supported my positive attitude, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

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Filed Under: Antenatal, Birth, doula, Parenting, Pregnancy, Researching your options Tagged With: Baby, birth doula, breastfeeding, Informed Decision Making, labour support

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Comments

  1. Holly S says

    10th March 2015 at 3:19 pm

    What a beautiful story! Our bodies truly are amazing, and I think it’s wonderful that you listened to your intuition and let your daughter come on her own terms. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  2. Anna says

    11th March 2015 at 12:31 am

    I was pressured to have an induction and neither my baby nor my body was remotely ready. Labour was hard and fast, I didn’t dilate and, predictably, my gorgeous girl was born with forceps as I simply wasn’t able to deliver her due to a strong but necessary (by that point) epidural.

    I love this inspiring guest blog and would definitely fight against an induction next time around.

    Reply
  3. Rebecca says

    13th March 2015 at 9:26 pm

    I absolutely can relate to having the end of pregnancy be this stressful thing when all I wanted was a peaceful end to a wonderful journey! My daughter was born at 41 weeks 5 days, though a faulty dating ultrasound added five days to that, meaning that doctors were pressuring me to induce. My midwives were wonderful though (I did a consult with an OB because of going post-dates, to help protect my midwives in case something did go wrong with our home birth). One of them straight up said, “Babies are easier to take care of on the inside, so enjoy this time and get some sleep.”

    Everything turned out fine with our daughter, and I was absolutely not surprised one bit by that. Our bodies don’t all gestate for the same number of days. Good for you for trusting your body and congratulations on your daughter!

    Reply
  4. Michelle says

    14th March 2015 at 8:13 am

    This was a lovely post to read as I’ve always been up for a natural birth but already because of my age (43) and 2nd child, have been told that I should have an induction if I reach 40 weeks because of the statistics of a still birth however when I asked what the statistics were, this information wasn’t available. I am due to give birth in July and already under pressure so I know exactly what Emma means about pressure making the last few days of pregnancy difficult. I was really laid back about my pregnancy until I started going for my appointments

    Reply
  5. Stubborn mum says

    27th March 2016 at 7:03 am

    Thanks for this lovely post. Not sure how much this is still read but wanted to give my tuppence worth for anyone reading this whilst being pregnant –

    I refused induction at 38 weeks for gestational diabetes as the risk of induction and prematurity seemed to br greater than the risks of later/naturql birth date which was 4o+6 in the end (you can imagine the pressure…!) Nonetheless we turned out to be unlucky and due to him being back to back we ended up with a 24 hour active labour that was heavily augmented (all that i had tried to avoid) resulting in me being worn out and his chin being stuck and him having shoulder dystochia. All was well in the end, but i remain torn between being glad of my choice to keep him in because he was noticebly more robust as an infant compared to my friends babys who had been induced and thinking i should have listened to medical advice which would potentially have avoided the above issues as shoulder dystochia was one of the major risks that induction was to avoid … So basically my take here is – if you go against medical advice and things then don t go to your ‘plan’ it is on you and you have to live with it having been your choice. I am not discouraging at all as in the end i was glad he came when he was ready but it is something to be aware of as there is also a chance you still might not end up with your dream birth and you will be haunted forever by “what if’s.

    Reply
  6. Kat says

    12th April 2019 at 2:32 pm

    This is so nice to read! I am currently going through this exact situation as I am 42+1 by scan and 41 weeks by my dates and and finding it such a hard mind game to play. Everything with baby and me is 100% perfect but the date is why the pressure is being put on and asking how long I plan to wait?? How can I answer that? I trust I have the same positive outcome as I’ve read here 🙂 thank you for your positive vibes!! Kat

    Reply
    • doulamaddie says

      12th April 2019 at 7:18 pm

      Hi Kat, good luck with your birth. If you choose to await labour, I hope it goes beautifully and you get the birth you dream of. If you choose induction, remember, you’re the boss and make all the decisions. Maddie x

      Reply
  7. Natasha Sampson says

    23rd October 2020 at 1:00 am

    So pleased to have found this. I read a lot of positive birth stories in my first pregnancy, the positive birth book and studied hypno birthing. With a toddler running round I’ve not read everything again but starting to wish I had as, at 38 weeks, I’ve had my confidence knocked a bit today.
    One thing I really did take from all I’d read before was to trust my body, trust my instincts and that there is choice with everything. At no point should I be told what to do… well, my experience today threw me.

    Midwife arrives for 38 week check and says “ok so we need to get you booked in for your overdue induction. That’ll be done at 41+5 if you get that far”

    I’m sorry? You need to what? “We need to book in your induction. Obviously if you get to 42 weeks your chance of still birth is really high so we don’t let you get that far”

    And there’s me thinking I would be offered an induction at 41 weeks, not told at 38 weeks it was being booked in.

    So I said hang on a minute, isn’t that something I get a choice on? “Well, yes you can decline it but the minute you go over 42 weeks your placenta breaks down and you put your baby at risk of dying. Based on the average length of induction we want to make sure baby is out by that point and I’m sure you wouldn’t want to put your baby at unnecessary risk would you?”

    Umm well no of course not but…

    “So we get it booked now and if you go into labour spontaneously it just gets cancelled, otherwise you’ll have to justify it to the Ob consultant. Also if you don’t book it in advance then they might not be able to fit you in if you change your mind and they’ll want to do extra monitoring. The monitoring is ok but generally won’t tell you if there’s a problem until it’s too late so…”

    There’s feeling pressure and then there was that. I’m in an absolute whirl now. I stood my ground, supported by my husband, but it’s knocked my confidence immensely (hence frantic googling at 1am) :’(

    Reply
    • doulamaddie says

      3rd November 2020 at 7:21 pm

      Thank you for your comment Natasha. I’m so sorry to hear how you’ve had your confidence knocked by the conversation with this midwife. What happened was coercion. It has legally invalidated your consent for induction because you were scaremongered and not given the risks of induction or the potential benefits of waiting for spontaneous labour to balance what she told you about induction. She did not facilitate informed decision making, which is her duty.
      You can find out more about induction and your rights at aims.org.uk and birthrights.org.uk AIMS also has a helpline (helpline@aims.org.uk) if you would like to reach out for support. All the best for the rest of your pregnancy! Maddie x

      Reply

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